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September 28, 2016

Other Roberts Palmer: You have a message waiting for you here

https://t.co/SNsCBy5NMj

November 21, 2016

Always great service on @amtrak, where I get yelled at for how the other conductor positioned my hat check

October 10, 2016

I had a dream that we met @onlxn last night. I’m awkward at meeting heroes, but he was gracious and kind, and also our server at Blank Angus

October 7, 2016

I think that’s enough internet for today. I’m going to relax in the peace and tranquility of a few chapters of Game of Thrones book five

September 13, 2016

Updated my iPhone 6 today over the air, and it was done in about half an hour. Works great so far! Don’t @ me

August 31, 2016

Dear Quora: How can I expose my house to the vacuum of space for just long enough to suck all the flies out

August 28, 2016

(Scene: Finished a 30 Rock.)
HER: That Seinfeld was pretty bad.
ME: Whoa, hot take
HER: No, I said it’s 9:00 and time for bed

August 22, 2016

Kids, if you’re looking for the ideal hand-crafted pen (Made out of wood! On a lathe! By my dad!) your quest ends at https://t.co/o3mA9qmlya