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May 3, 2016

I have to congratulate @michaeljnelson for doing an amazing job with the Smart & Final on University Ave. https://t.co/R3mTxNg75c

April 29, 2016

One of the cats just threw up right back into her empty food bowl and I feel like we’ve succeeded as parents

April 14, 2016

Marketing Executive #1: It’s gotta be more upscale and European.
ME#2: No way, it’s the CEO’s name
ME#3: I’ve got it https://t.co/3DTTR444yQ

April 2, 2016

Feeling a lot of dread before driving to Death Valley. It’s silly — as if naming things is a very deep and powerful human construct

March 29, 2016

That was the first time I’ve gotten on an elevator with the person whose show I just saw.

March 28, 2016

Please tell me there is a German word for the simultaneous joy and frustration your father-in-law feels while deleting his junk email

March 24, 2016

Robert Palmer of 20418 Blue Juniper Dr., Katy, Texas: Your $45 monthly Verizon account will be good through April 23.